Some of the most important truths about youth soccer may not be music to the ears of parents or players.
Youth soccer leaders sometimes pull muscles patting themselves on the back for the wonderful job they do. Not only do they teach skill and tactics, as they tell anyone willing to listen, they also instill lifelong values and mold character.
ItÆs all about teamwork, perseverance, sacrifice, camaraderie and on and on and on.
All that is true, of course. But, as longtime youth coach Eric Ahrendt points out, youth soccer also teaches some other important lessons – ones more painful for youngsters to learn, and parents to acknowledge.
The California-based coach and writer knows that many parents are loath to hear about these hard lessons, because ôthey show the world to be the unforgiving place it is, rather than the nobody-fails place some adults would like it to be.ö
While acknowledging that such lessons sound ôheartless,ö Ahrendt believes everyone learns them eventually – and the sooner they are learned, the better.
Life is not fair; life is honest. According to Ahrendt, it is foolish to tell a child that he is as good a player as a teammate if he is not. Some players are actually faster, stronger and tougher than others. All human beings are not created equal. Trying to pretend otherwise impairs a childÆs important path toward realistic self-assessment.
Not everyone is nice. ôPlayers trip and kick opponents on purpose,ö Ahrendt says. ôThey score goals with their hands. They call each other names. They donÆt even know your daughter, but theyÆre mean to her. There are many reasons why other people donÆt play soccer or the game of life by the Golden Rule, but the sooner young players realize that is the case, the better. We may wish the world were different, but we all have to live in it the way it is.ö
You canÆt have it all. Ahrendt says that unless a child is ôa very unusual and extravagantly gifted individual,ö she cannot play two sports at the elite level, star on the chess team and be a concert pianist. ôThere are some people who got back in line several times when God was giving out talents, but theyÆre rare. Your child is probably not one of them, so sheÆll soon need to make some hard choices if she wants to truly excel at even one activity.ö More than one is truly pushing it.
Talent isnÆt enough. As a youngster advances up the ladder of excellence – and the competition for spots on elite teams stiffens – he discovers that the players he is competing against also are talented. He learns that at the higher levels, talent alone is not enough. Then, Ahrendt says, if he does not have a strong work ethic to go along with his talent, he will lose out to others who do.
Hard work isnÆt enough. Ahrendt notes that some people are born with greater athletic gifts than others: ôSpeed, balance, coordination, agility and strength are not doled out equally. No matter how hard your child works, she may never reach the level she aspires to if she simply does not have sufficient natural ability.ö That lesson, Ahrendt says, is closely related to the first: Life is not fair.
Not everyone is an athlete. Though parents may believe youth soccer is a fun game for all, Ahrendt believes that some youngsters experience little success and derive little enjoyment because they are not particularly athletic.
That does not mean, he says, that they should quit playing. Rather, they should not be pressured to strive for the top. They can be encouraged to play recreationally, and to pursue their true talent – whether it is music, math, carpentry or cooking – with enthusiasm.
You may be a big fish in a small pond. A child who scores many goals at his current level may be in for a rude surprise when he attempts the next stage, whether that is the next division or tryouts for the state or regional ODP team. ôPeople who can keep climbing levels and succeeding are very rare, and the odds are that your child is not one of them,ö says Ahrendt. ôIf your child steps up one level too many, he may come down to earth with a thud.ö
Ahrendt is aware that his ôlife lessons for parentsö may sound harsh. However, he says, ôthe absurdly sunny view of the world promoted in many youth soccer publications needs some counterbalance, at least for adults.ö
He recognizes that not every parent wants his or her child to learn these lessons. Some may not even agree with his list. But he urges parents to remember that they cannot protect their child from everything – nor should they try. In the long run, he concludes, ôlearning these hard lessons in life may be the most valuable part of your childÆs youth soccer experience.ö
by Youth Soccer Letter Editor Dan Woog